The practice
If trying to relax (or meditate) makes you more, rather than less, antsy, try this alternative, which will probably work much better for helping you calm down: mindfully and gently tense groups of muscles, until they feel pleasantly tired, and release. Feel into the muscles and do it consciously and carefully. This is not progressive muscle relaxation, nor is it aerobics. You are not trying to relax, or to raise your heart rate.

For example, sitting in a chair, gently press your feet on the ground till you can feel your thighs working. Or with your arms folded, gently press the underneath arm against the holding arm, to feel the resistance. Experiment to find other gentle tensing/stretching movements that feel pleasant and leave your body feeling less tense.

The theory
This comes from 'The Body Remembers', a fabulous book on somatics of trauma and how to treat it, based on Somatic Experiencing. The author, Babette Rothschild, explains that people with trauma and anxiety can have problems with traditional relaxation and meditation techniques because these make their anxiety worse, rather than better. So she suggests this instead. The idea is to be gentle, and tense just enough, and just long enough, for the muscles to be pleasantly tired afterward, which in turn does induce a relaxing, pleasant feeling. The idea is not to raise your heart-rate, or stress your body in any way.

The result
This really does work. After gently tensing and holding the muscles, your body feels calmer and pleasantly so. Try it and see. Remember: effort is not the key; be gentle and tense just enough, no more.

The practice
What do you do when you finish a task? Do you get started on to the next one straight away? Or do you pause for a second to tell yourself, "Great. I just did that. That's a good job well done."

This week, try the second strategy: Washed the dishes? Well done. Pause for a second and appreciate them looking clean. Finished the spreadsheet? Fabulous. Pause for a second, breathe and give yourself credit.

The theory
Workplaces have become more stressed as downsizing has squeezed workforces over the last few years. Many of us--whether we're at work or not--have to rush from one project to another, multi-tasking to get everything done. We receive little or no praise for our work, and we take precious little time out. The result is chronic stress.

Pausing for a few seconds to appreciate your own work is not only a little rest, and a chance to assimilate the fact that something is finished, but it will gradually shift your focus from the endless list of things that haven't been done yet, to the fact that you're accomplishing things all the time. This builds a sense of mastery and satisfaction, rather than anxiety and stress.

The results
This experiment may sound like a waste of scarce and valuable time, when you have a To-Do list as long as your arm. But it makes a huge difference to your sense of yourself and your motivation to cultivate a self-praise habit over the long term.

The practice
Many of us have a hard time saying no, especially to people who are asking for help. For some of us, “no” is culturally unacceptable. So we say yes and resent it. This week, when you don’t want to do something, try saying no and see how it makes you feel. What stops you? How do you feel about yourself when you don’t say no? How do you feel when you do?

The theory
When you can’t say no, you end up resentful and grudging. Or exhausted. This practice is about finding balance between our own needs and everyone else’s.

You don’t have to be unpleasant about it. Try these various degrees of softening:
“Tonight I can’t. I have things I need to take care of.”
“It’s so nice of you to ask, but I don’t really feel like going out tonight.”
“I’m sorry, but no.”
“You know, that’s not really my thing.”

The result
When you can say no when you need to, you can say yes with more authenticity. Other people start to trust you more, because they know that when you say yes, you mean it. And you start to craft a life that better suits what you really want, and who you really are.

The practice
Are you caught in a Procrastination Vortex? It goes like this:
- You have a lot of important things to do.
- When you look at your Important Things To Do list, you feel so overwhelmed by everything on it that you don't do any of them.
- You go to bed feeling guilty and anxious, swearing you'll do the things tomorrow.
- Next day the same thing happens, only now several more things have added themselves to the list, which is now even more overwhelming...

Here's the way out of the Vortex: DO ONE THING A DAY.

The theory
If you do one thing a day off your Important Things To Do list, you will get a lot more done than if you set yourself the task of doing ten things, and do none of them. One thing a day adds up, especially if you prioritize, so that the one thing you do is the most important thing on the list.

The result
Try it. You get a lot done this way, you make steady progress, and you feel relief rather than the anxiety, guilt and stress caused by procrastination.

And here's an extra bonus: the satisfaction and relief that result from getting an important thing done every day make it more likely that you'll also accomplish a couple of other small tasks, just because you're on a roll. But don't forget to congratulate yourself and take a few minutes off to relish ticking that important task off your list.

This idea was generously lent to me by a client, who gave me permission to tell other people about it.

The practice
Every day, note down the things that were easy. For example:
'There was no queue at the post office.'
'That sore throat I had just went away all by itself.'
'My yoga class felt so relaxing.'
'The meeting I was dreading ended up only lasting fifteen minutes, and Steve agreed to everything I needed.'

The theory
We all have habitual neural networks, that correspond to our usual ways of operating. They fire off at the slightest thing. The result is that we tend to interpret the world according to our habitual view. When something happens that doesn't fit that view, we classify it as an exception, and fire the habitual network anyway!
    In order to change our habitual perception, we have to build out a different neural network--which takes practice. By choosing to focus on easeful things, you begin to build out the new neural network of ease. Every easeful experience you spend a moment of awareness on builds it more. Gradually, it will supercede your old network of anxiety--the one that is convinced that things will be tough, and that life is always a battle.

The result
My client has been doing this for a couple of weeks, and says that already, her life just feels more easy. Her new neural network is now beginning to fire all by itself, noticing ease as much as difficulty. This is turn is giving her a new set of beliefs and predictions for how things will be, based on the evidence of ease that she's now collecting, rather than discarding. And that makes her calmer, and happier.

Try it. It will take you maybe four minutes a day. What could be easier?